Durga Devi was her maiden name, she depicted the true spirit of goddess riding the lion, in her life. She was the most qualified of all her siblings. Talking of qualification, where her brothers dropped out after primary school to join family business, she was high school pass with good grades. Married young in a sikh family, she was rechristened as Gurbachan Kaur. She gave birth to four children, missing two in between and when she was carrying her fifth one, my father, she lost her husband at the age of twenty eight. Ah! What a big tragedy in life of a young, beautiful woman with four children, fifth on his way, no source of income. Well this did not shatter her at all. Spirited as she was, she only emerged as a much stronger person.
She lived with pride, raised her children all by herself, made them good citizens, reasonably well placed in life and stood like a pillar of strength for the whole family. She with her iron will flocked her family together and safely passaged each and every one from Pakistan to India in most hostile circumstances. And every time I tried to imagine how she must have done it, I could only imagine Scalett O’hara amidst of American civil war. The least like any other widow of those times, living on sympathy of people.
My childhood memories of her include her exceptional mathematics skills, where she could calculate the money to be paid to any street hawker before he even rattled out his price list. I owe my arithmetic and tables to her more than the school I went to. While she told us stories of gurus and India Pakistan partition, taught us prayers like all grandmothers did, but what made her special was her unique intellectual ability and pragmatic approach to life. She was smarter than rest of the grandmothers around and it always felt proud walking besides her holding her finger. With her immense knowledge of religion, literature and language ability, she was also totally clued up to Indira Gandhi’s political initiatives, Rajiv Gandhi’s leadership skills and Amitabh Bachan’s legendary stardom in Bollywood. Though she found Hema Malini the most beautiful women on silver screen, she could never learn to appreciate her romancing different men in different movies.
She thoroughly enjoyed the first Asian Games India organized way back in 1982.How she used to encourage me to learn gymnastics and swimming like those Japanese girls. She used to refer to them as moldable dolls. Progressive in her thoughts, far from the usual superstitious grannies, she valued women education and empowerment. I still cherish the memory of our trips to temple (gurudwara) and listening to her bits of wisdom all the way. She made me learn singing hymns and used to feel so proud when I would recite in her religious gatherings. She somehow watched over all of us and had this ability to read our minds if we were ever going through a rough patch. We shared a special bond.
Elegant and stylish even in her sixties, she hated to wear ill-fitting suits. I can’t recollect much of her creative side except for her favorite folk song she used to sing on all family weddings, but she could write a critique on everyone’s artistic and aesthetic sense. Every household chore she did, reflected her sense of rhythm and poise. She had some kind of presence and personality that no one could dare say her unpleasant things.
For any danger around her family she always brought all of us under her wing like a mother hen and spoke her famous lines- Rab rakha, Khairsalah ( May God be with you, everything will be fine) with conviction and faith in God. With these magic words everything did turn out to be fine. Hated to be dependent on anyone and refused to hold a stick till last day of her life, this women lived her life with her head held high.
She lived till 90 and what I recall of her is a delicate framed women with her peachy pink complexion, light eyes, very elegant and royal appeal and silver of her hair always covered with white net duppatta with intricate Pakistani lace.
Strong willed, a woman of substance, she led a memorable life and still stays in our hearts and dreams long after she is gone. Whenever I feel upset and go through challenging times in life she shows up in my dreams to fill me back with her verve and strength. God bless her soul !
